Hair Pulling, Panic Attacks and Eating Disorders. My story

My name is Alice Scott, 13 years old and in third year at high school. I have panic attacks aswell as pulling out my hair. My panic attacks started when I was in primary 4. It was a rehearsal of the Christmas play we were doing and I was dancing on stage with thius boy in my class. Later on in the play he was sick on stage so we had break early. At breaktime I didn't feel that great and I wasn't in the mood to eat. When the bell rang we started it again from where we were. I was singing along and all of a sudden I got this minty feeling in my throat and I started to worry. I got dizzy and I started to cry so I was taken off stage. I was pale white when I was in the medical room. They phoned my mum and she came to get me. At home my mum tried to make me eat something but I just couldn't. Since then I cried every day at school and I just wanted to go see my mum. The teachers were getting really cross and confused with me, which didn't help. I think the part with crying and wanting to go home was a panic attack because I felt stressed. I didn't know what was happening to me. I started losing friends because of it. In primary 5 I started not to eat and I was getting thinner and thinner by day. Since that day on stage my worst fear has been sickness - even to this day. I was thinking if I ate food I would be sick and if I was near people that was sick or even felt sick I thought I would catch it straight away and be sick myself. My worst fear at school was lunch, I started to panic and cry when lunch was near because I was scared. People in my class even tried to make me eat. In the canteen I didn't eat my lunch, I just threw it in the bin. I kept on doing that until a helper looked in the bin every lunch. In primary 6 I was still not eating and everyone was upset. One day at school I didn't eat a thing. In the morning I only had one bite of toast or none of it so I just put it somewhere where knowone could find it, under cushions, behind curtains, anywhere I could find. Even when i was at other peoples houses and they asked me if I wanted something to eat I would always say no. The teachers were noticing that I kept on having to pull my trousers up because they were to big for me. I looked like a skeleton, I hated it so much that a couple of months back I ripped it up and put it in the bin. One day at home my mum was watching this boring movie and I was so bored and for some reason I thought to myself why don't I pull at my eyebrows. It was sore at first but I just kept on doing it because I enjoyed it. I still wonder to that day why did I do that and just mabye if I done something different than watch that film, I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in today. After the eyebrows I started to pull my eyelashes and hair. I remember when I was down at Morrisons one day I started to pull at my hair and my dad came over to ask me what am I doing. My mum, dad and teachers were concerned so they had a meeting. They decided to get help off of someone the person came to my house and I told him what has been happening and he got to know me. I saw him quite alot and it did help alot, without their help I wouldn't be the person I am today. As I went on pulling at my hair it got harder to hide it. In the mornings my sister had to try and cover it up for me but it was clear that something wasn't right with my hair. In primary 7 I started to wear a hat at school and some people in my class did take the mick out of me saying well if Alice is allowed to wear one then tommorrow I'll wear one. I didn't like wearing it because it made my head all itchy and in the summer it made my head very hot. I was getting abit better at my eating but I still went to see a dietician. I got a chart of my weight and I did improve alot by going to see him. I got this woman from the same unit of the guy I saw first. As the first guy she helped me out with my panics and hair pulling and giving me tips to help me stop. I've been seeing her since I just got into thrid year at the start of July, shes really helped me. It was the high school visits and evryone was worried with me going there but surprisenly I done great. I only paniced once in the three days there. Everyone was so happy for me. Ok so I did get picked on abit and have had my hat pulled off by people but to be honest being at high school has given me a total confidence boost and I am speaking to people and having lunch with them. I have been eating properly since the end of primary 7. I am still pulling out my hair but I hope being on this site and talking to people will help me stop.

Alice
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