I know why I do it

It's a wonder that I don't do drugs. I guess I don't have to.
I pull hair out from everywhere but my head,,,,although when I was a child I did. The only reason why I stopped pulling hair from my scalp is because my mom FINALLY saw what I was doing (bald spot). I had to hide it now! I've been hiding it now for years. I was caught twice and became even more secreative.
I do not know why the human mind figures on coping in such a self destructive way,,,, but it does.
I remember as a child, even before school age, I had a dream of my legs with curled up ribbons, taking the place of hair, and me pulling at them with both hands. I'll never forget that. I think it was my brain telling me to do this in order to cope.
What on earth does a 3 yr old have to cope with? Plenty as it turns out. I had an abusive mother who didn't want me, I was sexually abused and my father was never there. I have already lived the life of an adult,,, twice over.!
I just realized today that I also ate my hair. I don't remember it but I remembered throwing up hair when I was a kid. Too funny and scary,,,,I mean, who does that? I thought only cats did that. Honestly, I don't remember eating hair but I remember feeling as if there was something in my throat all the time and I still do.

I have not eaten hair but I do like to look at it. I am facinated when I see the clear pulp on the end. I DON"T KNOW WHY. The hair that I pull has to be short. If it's long, I loose interest. AGAIN, I don't know why. Are you like me? Let me know.
Thank-you for reading
My name is Jackie