Nervous here

A Bit nervous here but I decided to do a little poking around

I am 19 years old, I have been through many fosterhomes andmany of them were bad experiances, I was abused by my mother and practically abandoned by both my mother and father

I recently moved away from the state and am with my very loving boyfriend.

My issues started when I moved to a town called Fillmore, in 5th grade.. I got stressed easy, was very nervous, jumpy and shy and remember the teacher calling the counceller multiple times because of my reclusive tenancies

I was harassed, put down by students and teachers, teachers did nothing to help, the administrators did nothing and the city board did nothing to help.

Through middleschool I sat in the corners of buildings in the shade, or at the lone table exactly 2 spaces away from other students on the side, and at least one row away on front to back (one table between me and anyone) but I preferred the corners or sitting out on the grass. I was harassed with a number of "Oh so and so says he likes you haha" and "You're ugly, take off your halloween mask" that means nothing now, but at the time of a fresh 6th grader, those words hurt. I went numb after 7th grade and was completely cut off from anyone in 8th grade, no friends, I'd do my work by myself, groan at group projects and dodge the teacher's wishes to send me to a psych for being "suicidal" which they inferred from me being alone and nothing more.

Beginning of highschool my grandfather whom I was living with had a heart attack and became alcoholic and aggressive, calling me a sac of worthless expletives, he began growing extraordinarily impatient with anything. I tried fixing the cable box and he only shouted, called me slow, and told me to just move my lazy bum to the side and let him do a job he should do himself if he wants it done right.

Between the transition to highschool I began taking up an interest in my split ends, pulling off the split and leaving the rest of the hair.

I trusted myself to one person after a while near the end of 9th grade and by the beginning of 10th I had a small group of 4 friends, that I didn't completely trust but I was able to dodge the "Are you crazy?" questions from people that were too nosy for their own good. I began having trouble at home at 11th grade, and eventually was pulled out of highschool and put into the home schooling system due to my failing grades partially due to not doing homework, but also the extreme low standards at the public school.. I began growing cocky with myself, saying I was too good to spend 3 weeks on one subject just because one person can't grasp it.

During highschool I transitioned to pulling hair I felt was too thick, as I have extremely thin hair. Then I pulled hair that was too curled, and now there is no bars and I will pull without noticing, and while noticing left or right side. I began pulling eyebrow hairs that were 'too long' or that seemed loose, or laid in a different direction than the other hairs.

My arrogance eventually bit me and I myself grew aggressive and was sent to a fosterhome with a foreign woman that had 7 other people to take care of. During that time I met my boyfriend and started calming down, sloping from aggression to depression. I began studying for my GED and left the fosterhome the day I turned 18. I still pull my hair, I bite my nails (though that has recently stopped due to braces) I have slops between feeling 'alright' and feeling like I have no interest in doing anything and I will pull my hair between any of the 'highs' or 'lows' I am back to being skittish, shy and reclusive wanting to only deal with the people I know.