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My Battle with Trich.
Submitted by SamMcC27 on Mon, 11/09/2009 - 04:42
Hi, my name is Sam, short for Samantha and I am new to this site. I am basically looking for a new way of therapy to stop my trich disorder. Often I feel like I have no one to talk to about this. I am too embarrassed to come out and say, yes, I have trichotillomania. I have only met one other person with this disorder and they would not talk to me about it. Basically what I am looking for is a way to socially interact with people online who also have trich. Instead of pulling my hair when I have the urge, I would like to get online and chat with someone who is going through the same thing. My family does not understand trich and whenever I tell them about my urges to pull they just say, "Don't do it, think about something else." I only wish it were that easy. I'm here to tell my story in hope that I can help someone else or someone else can help me.
At the age of 8 I started pulling out my eyelashes and it almost got to the point where I did not have any left. I realized what I had done and stopped pulling them right away. At age 10 I began scratching at my scalp and twirling my hair whenever I was frustrated. It eventually evolved into me pulling my hair out. I remember it first just starting with the part in my hair, it then moved on to me pulling everywhere on my scalp. In 5th grade, my spots became very noticeable and kids started teasing me and calling me a freak. My mother had no idea how to stop it so she put me in counseling and therapy. It helped for awhile but it seemed as if my hair pulling got worse I became more in denial about my disorder. When I entered middle school I had to start wearing bandannas and hats, of course I was the only permitted to do this in the whole school. It drew a lot of attention and I was bullied and harassed to the point where I became suicidal. I thought to myself, "you really are just a freak and better off dead." One day I had written a suicide not and began self-mutilating. My mom walked in on me minutes later and checked me in to a hospital. I spent 3 weeks, the end of my 6th grade year, in rehab. I got better but was still fighting trich. I switched to the Catholic School across the street from my middle school, and things started looking up. My family decided they were tired of me wearing hats and bandannas so they bought me a wig for Christmas that year. It helped and I noticed myself pulling at my hair less and less. But when I took the wig off to let my hair breathe, I would start pulling again. This continued for 4 years until I finally put my foot down and decided I would not let trich control me anymore. I wanted my hair back, I wanted myself back. So I took hair, skin, and nail vitamins and always kept my hands busy by writing, making jewelry, and other things.
Finally, in the summer of 2009 I had made it to the point where I no longer needed to wear a wig. I got my hair cut and styled and it felt like a whole new me. I was so happy and really felt that I had beat trichotillomania. Things were going great for awhile, until I came to IU-Bloomington. College has stressed me out beyond belief and I am really home sick even though home is an hour away. I started pulling my hair out again and have a few noticeable spots. I don't want to go back to wearing a wig because people will know it's not my hair, they will know something is wrong. I'm so embarrassed and have been forced to wear hats for the past month. Thankfully it's cold outside so nobody really questions me why I'm always wearing a hat. I am just so frustrated and feel like I am losing myself again. It's gotten so bad that I can't even concentrate when I'm reading an assignment or typing my paper. Instead of paying attention, I just sit there and twirl and pull my hair out. It's like I'm in this daze or hypnotized state and I can't get out of it until I realize how long I have been sitting there pulling at my hair.
So, I am asking anyone and everyone for advice or for just someone I can talk to. Feel free to comment with any questions or advice. Also, has anyone tried hypnotherapy? And if so, what did you think of it?
Hey :) i'm new too! I've been
Hey :) i'm new too! I've been pulling my hair since i was 9, and i got bullied also. I am now 15. I try so many ways to stop, i just cant find anything. One way i like to try is to go out, because then you are more likely to forget about it. College can be stressy, i'm not there yet, but i do loads of coursework, and this can stress me out so much, that i end up pulling.
If you need any help, come talk to me...infact we're all here for each other.
Char x
Hey Sam, I feel like your
Hey Sam,
I feel like your pulling a page right outta my life book! I'm a senior in college and my first year in college, I fell back into Trich pretty hard due to stress and anxiety, and just nervousness and sadness as well. Its a whirlwind and I totally felt like I was losing myself all over again, and there was no end in sight. I had never really stopped pulling but it just got so much worse and not manageable at all when I went to college. I have my days, you know? I'm not gonna say that it gets easier because it never seems to get easier. My senior year with finals and graduation... money. omg. I really have bad days - but I have really good ones too. Ive learned some things about myself along the way that have helped curb my Trich big time.
One - when my finances are in order, I am much much less prone to worrying, anxiety, and sadness = less pulling
Two- YOGA. I know that everyone has jumped on the yoga train now-a-days, but it makes you feel strong and powerful and it helps you trust yourself again and get back on your feet after you've let yourself down.
Three- The harder you are on yourself when you do start to pull (or have a particularily brutal pulling session) the longer it will be until you STOP pulling again. Be patient and most of all FORGIVING withyourself.
Good luck honey. You can do this.
I agree with the post above.
I agree with the post above. The only way to be successful with the battle of stopping Trich is by getting stress under control.
I don't believe anyone that pulls actually enjoys it. You might think you do, but you are only fooling yourself.
Think about it, while you're pulling you get some relief, but afterwards Trich drops you like a rock. I know I lived with it firsthand and I am now free from its horrible grip. This Can Be YOU!!!!!
I feel for everyone that has posted here, my heart goes out to you. Because I too pulled for thirty years. But you don't have to wait that long to change. I wished I had found forums like this one way back when. But I was too ashamed of pulling to reach out. I didn't want to be labeled as crazy or something worse. We are not crazy, and we are all walks of life, doctors, attorneys, school teachers, stay at home moms, students, you get the picture. Just normal human begins dealing with Trich.
But you have to be willing to change and you have to fight with all you have.
If something is causing you grief, limit your time around that situation. Learn to know your triggers. Be clever and you will be free of Trich.
Also for those who really and truly want success at stopping. Yoga as mentioned above in the post, or pilates which was my choice of exercise and the best medicine that's absolutely free is running. Wow running and walking clears the mind and it really helps. So next time you have an awful urge, after a stressfull day grab a friend and go for a long walk or better yet run. Try this for a week and see what a difference it makes.
Unfortunately if you develop Trich you will probably always have it, but you don't have to be controled by it, you can control it and that will make you free from it for good.
I still have to work at it, but I now have a full head of hair, because for me I pulled from my scalp. I am finally able to wear my hair down and people are noticing. I can look them in their eyes now and say, yeah I know, no more one-sided ponytail. I tell them my story without shame, I am proud to have such an accomplishment. The comment I keep getting is, wow I never knew anything was wrong.
I guess I hid it well to those on the outside looking in, but inside I was in need of release.... I found it....
Just my thoughts, hope it resignates with some of you and helps. Wanda H.
Hi Wanda, I'm new to this
Hi Wanda, I'm new to this forum and I've been pulling hair from my head for 40 years. I've been wearing wigs since1987 but this trich hasn't been cured. My hair doesn't grow back any more, it's been too long. Congratulations to you for having stopped pulling. I wish i were in your shoes!
Thank you so much Wanda and
Thank you so much Wanda and congratulations on your success with beating trich. I too battle severe anxiety and was diagnosed with O.C.D. and Agoraphobia. I'm not the first with these disorders in my family. Bipolar disorder, manic depressive disorder, and alcohol and substance abuse also exist in my family. I forgot to mention in my story that I was diagnosed with trichotillomania as a result of my post-traumatic stress disorder. I was molested when I was 7 and I kept it a secret until the age of 12, when my trich was at its worst. But I have come to terms with my molestation and am very angry that I have let my hair pulling become a compulsion. I am just so very frustrated because I have gotten pretty much everything under control, except my trich. Anyways, thank you for the advice and I will work on becoming more open about my trich.
This is to Samantha and all
This is to Samantha and all the others that have posted recently about their struggle with living a life and dealing daily with Trichotillomania. I want you to know I can relate to each of you. I pulled my hair on my head for thirty years. My Grand Mother I found out also pulled her eyelashes. My brother twisted his hair, but he never pulled thank goodness. I am so happy he didn't because I would never wish this on anyone. But it does show it can run in families.
But Trich has been labeled an OCD disorder, but for me it was an anxiety disorder.
If I felt out of control with situations in my life that's when I felt the biggest need to pull. Trich was my way of dealing with stress and other things that I let get to me. But the thing is Trich was getting to me and it was controlling me and I had to change that. I gradually learned to stop the madness. If you continue to be controlled by this disorder you will never feel like a whole person. We tend to hide our distress and we try to hide our secret. We feel if our secret is known we will be labeled as being different or worse. I too kept my pulling secret, and I didn't feel comfortable about talking to anyone about it. But that is the worst thing we can do. You need to talk about it, you need to bring it out and discuss it. I am not a health care professional and I do not proclaim to be, but I did live with Trich so I am relaying to you just from what I know worked for me. The less importance you place on Trich, the less control it can have over you. Begin controling it, change your mindset and it will change your life, the life we all deserve and without Trich being a part of it.
I wish you nothing but success and peace in ending this horrible thing called Trichotillomania.
Oh yeah, I am now pull free with a full head of hair and I feel like a new person, I wake everyday thanking God for my life. Pray about it and believe you can stop.
Best Wanda H.