Urgent need to stop! Help!

Hey :) i'm Chaz, also known as Charletta. I've been pulling my hair out since i was 9 and i am now 15. I actually have no one to talk to about this, and i haven't really met anyone with the same disorder.

It all started when one morning i woke up for school, my mum recognised a big bald patch on the top of my head. My mum insisted that we had to go to the doctors. The doctor said that i had Alopecia, which i went along with, as i didn't remember myself pulling my hair out, unless i done it in my sleep. The next few days, the baldness on the top of my head increased, then i had to go to hospital. They said that i had Trichotillomania. So when i went back to school, i had to wear a bandana. I felt very confronted when my peers asked me why i was wearing it. The situation grew into bullying. The only option i had to stop was going to see a therapist, or a counsellor. None of this has really helped, as they all ask me questions about my past, including saying stuff about my Dad, who left when i was 4. There have been a lot of problems in my family...

I orginally come from North London, and i lived next to neighbours who were very stressful to live next too, and they were slightly annoying! I was frequently going to Thai Boxing, and because i was told i had Trichotillomania, i was afraid of coming out of my home. Since i didn't go as much, my mum said that she had to shave my hair off, and my hair was down to the back of my knees, and was golden blonde. My mum cried for days, and to be honest, so did i. I missed my hair. My depression got worse and i started to get paranoia and anxiety. Walking around town would be embarressing for myself and my family. We then moved to a rural part of the country, where i could feel more relaxed. We moved to a place in Wiltshire called Pewsey. I got back on my feet, and went to a lovely C of E primary school. I met a lot of friends, and the people there were very caring. I never got bullied, and i could talk to anyone about my problems. The person i trusted the most was my close friend Charlotte. I then went to secondary school, and i got bullied from year 7 to year 8, i then moved to Buckinghamshire. I now go to a school in Beaconsfield, and i don't get bullied as much, but i still feel confronted. When i first started this school, i still never wore a bandana, and people would think i was a boy, even though boys and girls wear different shirts. I don't wear the bandana now. When i was christianed back in 2007 i think it was, i stopped wearing the bandana, and walked the streets with my head held high. It was only a few months ago since i started wearing wigs. I come into school and people compliment me saying ''oh my gosh! you look so nice, you should get that hair style when your hair grows!''. The situation of my hair pulling has expanded. Aswell as pulling my own hair out, i get urges of pulling other people's out, even though i don't. Since i have started year 11, i feel that my hair pulling has got even worse. Due to the fact of never ending coursework!

I have no way of stopping. The only way i stop is if i'm at a friends house or at my nan's. I don't know why this is, i just seem to forget about it. My mum went to Thailand for 2 weeks back in April, and she came back and i had a head of hair, i couldn't believe that i had stopped for a short period of time. I try so hard to stop, but it's so power draining for me. I know it's sad, but i cry and just stare at myself if i look in a mirror. I also tend to insult myself to make a stop...it never happens.

Can anyone tell me anyway i can stop? Or anything i can help myself stop? I would like to stop and grow my hair for my Aunty, who suffers from Grade 4 brain tumour, and it's her wish to see me with hair before she goes. Anything for my aunty...and of course the rest of my family...and me!

Thank you

Charletta :)

x