It takes will power...

I have this condition.. it all started when i was 10 years old and still happens now.

For 6 years i never told anyone about pulling out my eyelashes because i felt so ashamed and embarased. Also it wasnt until last year that i found out that this was an actual contition- so beforehand i felt i was the only one who did it.

My mom and dad where the first to find out as they could see my eyelashes wer beggining to get sparse untill they completly dissapeared, but each time theyd ask i would deny that i picked them out......

My parents were also unaware that this was a condition and therefor didn't understnd why i was doing this, so they use to shout at me alot about it and embarase me by calling me names as they probaly thought this would make me stop.

However, this made it worse, and as ive never had a good relationship with my mom i felt i had noone to talk to. Each night i would be shouted at more and more- and each night id go to bed crying and lie in bed for ages trying to get to sleep. And this is when the eyelash pulling would take place.

It gradually became worse and when i was 14 i started wearing alot of makeup, not beacuse i wanted to- but to try and cover up the lack of eylashes. I did this by wearing lots of eyeliner. Unfortunatly it still didnt help as i would catch my friends or others at school staring at my eyes with a weird look on their face. I became very reluctant of looking at people when i or they where talking for fear of them asking why i had no eyelashes. When this did happen a few times id make up an excuse of that i needed the toilet and id walk off.

Things at home grew worse and now that my sister had left home and gone to university- my mom bcame completly focused on me and never stoped goin on about my image. She was beoming obsessed with the way i looked not only my eyelashes but my weight aswell. I had my weight checked and i was just on avergae for my height, but she saw me as being fat and obese. I didnt know what was wrong with her- and it turned out that she had a problem with being depressed about her own weight. Along with the name called about my lack of eyelashes, i was now regaulary being called fat and ugly. It doesnt sound that bad, but it has made me completly self consious and now i refuse to wear shorts or skirts in the summer. To make matter worse i'm a dancer so when i have my competitions I know im going to get compared with the other gilrs- even though im practically the same build as them.

I tryed to keep my home life separte than that with my school life and therefor none on my friends knew how i felt. At 16 i strted wearing fake eyelashes everyday, they made me feel more confident about myself even thou i would still get the occasional 'are they fake eyelashes?'.

I now reliyed on my fake eyelashes which ment that it would make it extremly hard if my friends asked me round for sleepovers, as i couldn't just casually take them off. So i always kept my makup on when i splet over. It also meant i couldnt go swimming with my friends and so always used the excuse that it was the wrong time of the month.

I'm now 17 (in my 1st year of college & living at home) and still have this condition however i have got better over the past year because now ive managed to stop pulling out my bottom set of lashes, however the lashes on my upper eyes lids are practically bare apart from a few towards the corners.

Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 months now and trust him completly. About four weeks ago i told him that i pull out my lashes due to the fact that he couldn't understand why i would never take off my makeup when i slept the night at his. I didnt know how to explain it or even how to begin and it took ages to build upo the confidence to tell him. We wer sitting at the computer and i typed 'trichotillomania' into google and let him read it, as i was already almost crying.

This was the 1st person i had ever told in 7 years and it felt like a weight had been lifter off my shoulders. He understands completly especially now ive told him about my home life and is always supporting me.

I went for 3 weeks without pulling at my eyelashes and a lot of them had strted to grow back. I was so happy with my self and my boyfriend was really proud. But last week i had a dance performnace and a massive argumanet and name calling about my weight kicked off again. That night i ended up pulling all of them back out again. The next morning i was soo disapointed and annoyed with myself, i couldn't belivee i had destroyed my 3 weeks of not pulling any out.

I texted my boyfriend and he told me not to worry and that they will be growing again in no time becuase he will help me every step of the way.

So now with the help of him, im relying on my will power still and really hope an episode of the other night doesnt happen again.

Sorry its been a very long coment- practically my life story aha- but writing about it really helps me control how im feeling.

Good Luck to all of those will the same problem.. its always hard at first, but telling someone about it who won't shout or look down upon you- really does help :)

xx